Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
