Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
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