problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
So squirting runs in the family.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
