it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
