I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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