was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
