i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
