I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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