wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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