so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
