my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
