Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
