Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
