if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
