also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
