There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We were destined to go to rehab together
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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