I'm so fucking centered right now
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
