When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
