Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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