Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
