Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
