So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
