Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
