I am full of burrito and curiosity
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Randomize
