You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
