I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
