I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My breasts were aching with rage.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
