what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
