he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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