covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize