remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
