i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize