I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
