yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
