Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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