i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
