i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My vagina just clenched in fear
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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