based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
