I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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