god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
