we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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