Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
They have beer where we have blood.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
