So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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