No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I deserve this hangover.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
