now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
