she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
