I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
