Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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