Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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