the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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