Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
its liver damage thursday
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