Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Sober January is a disaster.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
