Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Alive.
So much puke
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
