All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
