Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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