he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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