don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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