I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
