my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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