is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
