Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
