i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
