You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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