i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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