i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
