i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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