I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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