If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
