My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
