Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
