im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
