I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize