I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
