At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
