Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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