mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
