I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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