you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
