I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
