I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
