Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
