Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
