Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
