Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
