we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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