I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This baby is an asshole
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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