u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
