Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
