there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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