"it" just moved
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
