Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The air was thick with penises
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
