so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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