It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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