Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
