i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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