It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize