Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
