We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
