her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
