Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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