you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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