So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Randomize
