we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
