Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
